It's not every day that you realize that everything you've been looking for was just there all the time and you just weren't able to see it. It's not every day that the woman you had a crush on, suddenly demonstrates she's felt the same way from time to time.... It's not every day that you blink and suddenly find yourself living in (sort of) a romantic comedy.
It all started about two weeks ago.... spontaneous... as the best things in life usually are... I happened to be home, and she extended an invitation for ice cream for me and my guests... the evening was incredible and ended up in a long hug, just outside my house. It was a perfect moment by itself, just the night of my beautiful country, me and her... my closest friend.
I got lost in her eyes, as I tried to figure out what was on her mind... she had a confession to make, but she didn't really need to put it into words... I could feel it.... we knew it wasn't smart.... that, she did say.... but we couldn't help it... I softly passed my nose across her cheek.... just barely let the tips of our noses meet.... and for a second we both doubted again... but the second was over, and the kiss was imminent.... it wasn't the first time, but it certainly felt as if it were... it was amazing and it had it all... the expectation, the desire, the caring... it was all there... a new chapter had just started for us....
At first, we just wanted to play it cool, not thinking too far ahead... stay in the moment, enjoy it. Don't let it spoil the friendship that we had rebuilt after previous failures in the same department... not let it spoil the amazing friendship that we have.... but this time was different... for both of us... it went slow, but we found time to see each other again, and again, and again. Each day taking it as a first date, each kiss being like a first kiss... each kiss better than the last... each hug more real... each look more melancholic.... until it was impossible to ignore what was coming ahead... it was impossible to push aside the fact that I live in another country... it was impossible to not realize that it could not be... not just yet...
We refused to see it though. We couldn't see it end as I went back to where I live... (Even if that place will never feel like home)..... We gave each other some time to think, consider if long distance was an even an option, if it was worth it... of course it was... but no, it couldn't be... she made the decision, but I'm sure I would have come to my senses soon enough had she not.... but it wasn't a "goodbye"... no.... moments like that are difficult to forget... people like her are difficult to find.... feelings like that are unique.... this was much more of a "see you later".... this was a turning point in our friendship.... one that gave us perspective of what it could be like... how amazing it can become... how crazy we were for not understanding what was always there.... and yeah.... we'll continue to be just friends... even if we know 'just friends' doesn't really cut it.... even if we know it's not exactly enough.... but it will have to do for now.... now, we know how amazing our future can be if we manage to save these feelings we have right now.... I know I'll hold them dearly... keep them safe.... I hope she does the same... and for now, I can only hold my glass up high, and say: "to the future!", while I do my best to get there as soon as I can.
Now it's time to go back to reality, back to my grad work.... lots of stuff to do... lots of stuff to think...
≈Hopeful≈
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