Omega Male

A few nights ago, some friends invited me dancing. The club we were going to was supposed to be playing salsa music that night, but that turned out to be more of a techno/electronic music mixed with some reggaeton.... (which I am completely comfortable with, even when it's not exactly my scene).

While dancing, I noticed how easily I ended up being out of the dancing circle.... I was rarely in the circle for more than a minute or two, couple of people moved, and suddenly i was just behind someone as the circle closed in front of me. It would take a while for someone to notice I was being left out, and that person would usually try to open up the circle... make space for me, but not long later the same thing would happen.

I was okay with this. But why?? shouldn't it bother me? shouldn't I want to feel as an important part of the group?

My first answer to these questions was that after my experiences as a reject for most of my school days, not being an "important" part of the group is just what I am used to. However, my college life as an undergrad was pretty awesome, people were a lot more like me, and I was part of that group everyone wanted to be a part of (if they didn't, then it was just their loss). You would think that after such amazing experiences, this situation might bother me... no, this wasn't a good answer...

Then, I started thinking what is my role in this group. How am I part of it? simple: I am the outlier: the Costa Rican (or the not-"american"), the grad student (the Ph.D. student on top of that), the shy one, the one with the worst English, the fat one (yeah working on that, but still), and many more. Sure, there are other hispanics (but almost everyone was born in the US), there are a couple that are not exactly in shape, but I seem to be the point that was far away from the mean in just every metric you could think of. Perhaps this being okay with the situation cam from this, just knowing I am the outlier and shaping my expectations around it. However, at the same time we share so much... we are all Catholic, and have shared so many amazing experiences in the last year. Yes, the truth is even when it might look as if I am an outsider, I DO feel part of the group. No, this one wasn't the best reasoning either.

Next, I thought, well why would I want to feel as an important part of the group? Do I really want to be the center of attention? Something inside me felt everyone wants to be in that position, specially men... our instinct wants us to be the Alpha male, the leader, the one that has a say on what we do next, the cool guy that is always in the circle.... but, do I really feel that way? Not really.... actually I hate that position, I couldn't be further away from that.... I started thinking more in detail about that, and finally decided well, maybe I am an Omega male.... I thought that sounded cool and wondered for a second if anyone had come up with that yet... This was a good answer, I decided to take a look at it when I got home. (Perhaps it would be a step to getting to understand myself better, and God knows I could use that...)

So, I googled it. Of course there were a LOT of results.. (and that was quite expected... I'm no pioneer in psychology or anything....) I looked through some of them...

The urban dictionary one topped the list. While, I understand the reasoning behind it, I don't really feel I am THAT omega male.... specially when it came down to the weird examples at the bottom... or the fact that the omega male "knows" he is "better" than the alpha males... no, that's not me....

Next, I checked the definition on wikipedia, knowing it was going to be to "factual", and probably wouldn't cut it for me... it certainly didn't, as I am certainly NOT "the lowest caste in social hierarchy".... (perhaps my self-esteem is indeed improving after all lol)

Then I checked this page which describes 5 signs to know if you are an omega male, and by that I think they meant a stereotypical loser/geek... not, not me :) I might be a geek indeed... but none of those 5 really represent me...

Suddenly, I realized there was even a Charlton Heston movie by the name the Omega Man, of course not sure what the movie is about, but I am pretty sure it won't be the definition I was looking for lol.... (I might watch it later and perhaps add my opinion...)

I checked many more.... but after a while, I realized that the definition I could relate to wasn't going to be there... it is most truly inside of me... and it's going to be a journey to define exactly what it means to feel like an "omega male", what it means to be "the opposite of an alpha male"... Sure, there are parts of that definition that I can easily define right now....

* It means NOT to be the center of attention....
* It means to feel okay being an outsider....
* It means to be way better on smaller groups, better at one on one conversations...

and I can also define points that come from other descriptions that are not what I mean...

* It doesn't mean I'm a pushover...
* It doesn't mean I'll be the last man standing...
* It doesn't mean I'll be happy being a reject again...
* It doesn't mean I'm a loner and will be happier working on my own....

I like the term, I think I'll stick with it, but the definition.... the definition needs to be my own... the one I still can't put into exact words, but I'm sure I'll understand it better as I continue in my journey...

≈The Omega Male≈