Life has a curious way of punishing ppl for what is consider to be wrong by society... you really don't think about it so much until you suffer the consequences... sometimes mistakes are made with out any intention, however some extrange force wants you to feel that all the possible guilt is yours and only yours.. Once you are in this terrible state of remorse and you feel like the biggest crap in all this little and pathetic world, you go past your self-steem, your own pride and self-respect... and you destroy yourself, asking for forgiveness... feeling that is the only way to bring things back to normal... and thinking that maybe, just maybe... when they are right again, you'll be able to recover all that stuff that you left behind to get forgiveness...
It's a natural process, speacially when it involves things that you care a lot about, or ppl that you really love... and it is natural to go, and forget all about yourself and give the reasson to this disastrous parody called "world" that we live in... just in order to get rid of the problem, because you know that you can't handle things as they are... you just can't.. even when you fell no guilt...
However, sometimes that world, just laughs at your desperate atemp.... it just feels sorry for you being so ridiculously stupid.... but has no remorse in making you feel even worse... and destroying everything that is left from you...
It's true... since last friday i have asked forgiveness, i don't feel that i am the only one having to do it, but i decided that if it wasn't for me there will be no way around my problem with that person... i formally asked forgiveness on friday.. i formally asked forgiveness yesterday... but i can't do more... i have decided not to do more... i just did all humanly possible without going over my own dignity.. if i have some of my former selfresect, and selfsteem... i'll retain it... i won't go lower.. i don't deserve anybody treating me like this... or threatening me with coldness... i don't care if lose that person who i love... i don't really care right now... she just is too stubborn... and won't accept my apologies no matter how poetical or beautiful or sincere i make my words sound.... no she won't having begging... and this is my final decision.... if she doesn't accept my appologies so far.... or my one last try... that would come some of these days... she will lose me... with no turning back.... and God knows that i can't do more.....
≈CRC 4≈
1 comment:
Well, if I´m right, I accepted your apologies yesterday, by phone. I don´t know why we have to fight so much for the same reason, it´s too hard. I´m sorry for being so cold, but that´s myself, and you know it.
Of course now everybody thinks I´m the bad girl of the story... Think about that when you listen to my side of the story. People just judge, external people are just inside a problem that it´s not theirs. Now I´m a stupid girl who doesn´t know how to behave... oh please! tell me that when you people know more about me. You don´t even know what I have to say about the problem, what I´m suffering right know just because I have to be cold...
And for you, Diego, remember all I said to you yesterday, please remember that since yesterday I had hadn´t any proudness, I told you everything I felt and I tried to listen to you... I wasn´t that coldblooded and stonehearted person... I was at the other side of the phone trying to solve everything. Maybe I was upset, yes, I admmit it, but at the end I realized that we were getting nowhere, like right now, that you´re angry at me...
Post a Comment