I used to be a poet....
I used to know how to bring all this feelings into words.
Does that mean i used to know myself deeply? I guess not... and if i did.... that has come to an end....
What happens when you haven't felt romantic love in months...? what happens when you don't know who you would like to be with you the rest of your life? does deception after deception bring you to a dead end where you are no longer romantic? have i became cold hearted? Does this means that now i'm just this idiotic fool who doesn't care if he hurts a woman? what happened to all that romantisism in me?
No.... i am no longer a romantic guy... i just feel atracted to women.... i like them, i like to watch them move, i like to talk to them for hours.....but no feelings involved.... just playing nice.... if i get to that point where i become aware a girl i like doesn't like me back... i just back off... forget everything.... cold hearted.... unable to fight for what i want.... unable to wish for things when they are no longer easy... when the time comes to get serious, to stop the game of just flirting a little... when the time comes where the next move is to get your feelings involved.... i am no longer that poet.... i no longer feel the need to rush for a girl... i just stop worrying... and think of something else... or maybe someone else....
And maybe the right girl hasn't come... but maybe again i am just blocking myself... not letting them be the right girl for me... they can be perfect... but i find them something wrong... my feelings are exactly that elusive....
Maybe i should stop... maybe i should try to go back in time... remember what it is like to have a girlfriend.... and get the subjective look at it... where everything is a gain... instead of looking at it the way i am doing right now... when having a gf is just about loosing money and time....
I want to be a poet again... i want to feel alive... i want to feel free from this cold heart.... i want to feel again... i want to love....
