The last effort...

Wow! i thought this day will never come... what may be my last formal test for Mathematics Olympics right here in Costa Rica.... and maybe the last one of my whole "career" in this subject... And even when i freak out yesterday... i was sweating... i was affraid... never thinking on what will be next... maybe if things go really wrong this is it... all the effort of three years maybe thrown to garbage can with all my ilussions... or maybe... i'll be more into this from now and until that desirable international tournament....

Well, things went alright today... who would have thought all that fear was worthless? (Viviana did... she was my support last night.. she won't let me fall.. she made me believe in myself.. she is great :D... and she made me go there and give my best)... i went there and made one of the best tests i've ever done... if i am going to retire from this with that test, i made sure i left a good impresion. I really did my best... I did... I felt ok... I felt like math was all coming back to me... i even solved the whole geometry problem! which has been my weakness for these three years...

Now, all that's to be done is waiting... waiting for that phone call that should arrive tomorrow... maybe a yes! filled with joy... maybe a no... that will make me think that i did a really good effort towards my goal.. and that maybe if i had done something more i will be in... but that doesn't really matters right now.. i'm happy with my effort... i'm happy with my performance.. even when i don't know what's going to happen tomorrow...

≈Math Freak≈

For one second...

For one second alone with you today,
i will have given every star i come to posess.
Just for an instant near you,
without those eyes staring at us.

With just one second in my hands,
i will have made it obvious,
that no time is wasted when we two
come together in just one soul.

I didn't said anything nice to day,
i failed to be spontaneous
and i know mine
is the only blame.

I'm sorry..
i can't believe i failed in my best field
i'm sorry.. but i din't know how to get that second
and i didn't knew how to get it
and i failed to wait.

Sorry... just sorry...

The real friend beneath

Today was the day. i suddenly realized that my best friend has departed for his long waited trip. And, yes, he is gone. i thought for long time that this would really hurt me. i didn't thought of the happiness this is to him. And in my own selfishness i only thought of me not having whom to tell my romantic issues or my bad experiencies in college or maybe just a problem with my parents, never considering how this is affecting his feelings.

However, contrary to all i thought today, at 12md i just felt suddenly happy, and i found in myself all contradictory feelings to what i had expected... i realized in my thoughts that if i were in his (maybe crazy) situation and i got to have this huge trip to find love across the sea, he, my best friend, the one person that knows me for every little detail, will be happy for me and i realized that if i believed in my friendship with him, i should be happy for him and believe in his love for that girl... and the wonderful thing is that i had no trouble in feeling that way...

And no problem... i may not having him around to tell him my stories for a while... but i'll find someone else to rely on for now... i'll find someone... really doesn't matter exactly who... maybe another E4 member, after all they are my other best friends... and i trust them as much as i trust jose (even when i'll have to tell them lots of stuff to update them...), maybe just my brother or my sister... maybe i'll just keep things to myself... i don't know and i don't really care for now...

Jose! my friend! Farewell! have a good trip! enjoy yourself! enjoy your gorgeous girlfriend! enjoy yourself in your great trip to Europe... have fun.. and take care of that crazy enough relationship to break the barrier of distance.... just please have fun! don't get killed!

≈Your Friend≈

The meaning of one kiss...

For sometime in life, every man comes to think that one kiss isn't just a kiss when the tongue doesn't get to do what it does best (not precisely talking)... and for sometime you believe firmly that no one can go against that idea... when the real pleasure of being with a girl comes just from kissing her in the mouth and getting to make that kiss one hell of a long kiss... and you can get to believe that this is the only real way to show affection that is in the whole world... and in time you start to even get bored of that (perhaps the reason of most of my known breakups...)

However, the world always have a funny way of leading you to a girl that's worth everything... the world gets you to know a girl that with the simplest of kisses is able to stop things around you for just one second.... things just stop... people around you (even when knowing them, even when some are your friends, someothers are her friends) just stop existing... external noices just appear to have vanished from earth.. and the only thing that matters is that second... that kiss... even when it doesn't fit in the description that i already made.... the only thing that matter is you... and that girl... at your side.... that girl that maybe won't kiss you further (yet) but that is showing you her affection by just one kiss that she seems to be enjoying as much as you do...

In that second you realize the world is tricking you... it is showing you too late the feeling of a real kiss... and you get to think what's next to be learned.... and want just another try of that so beatiful experience.... you just desire another second that could last for ever again... and you know you are going to fight for it, you are going to do what ever it takes to get another kiss that will mean just as much as that one did....

For now... i'm waiting for that second chance... just waiting until i see her again... waiting... waiting... and being happy for that second even when it doesn't fit in my old description of a real kiss...


≈Happily Waiting≈

Thinking twice process

Every word causes an effect... negative, positive... but it causes an effect... and it is the only certain thing about speaking... as you speak you r trying to say something... it would be illogical to speak just to say nothing (those having read or being to a Ionesco play can understand that more deeply) . As every action, every word is to be thought and to be analyzed before making it a reality... everything you say has to be the result of a extensive process that guarantees that you r having your opinion expressed with everyword... just to prevent you from saying something that goes totally in opposition to what you think, believe or feel about something (or even someone, as feelings get to have more importance).

From my point of view, sometimes your mind tricks you... yep it does! sometimes you say something without meaning to hurt anybody... without feeling that those words are going to make any damage to something you appreciate... or something that your getting attached to.... however.. they just make trouble... and as you go on saying them you realize how wrong they are... how they don't go with you... and for that few seconds you can't believe they are coming out of your own mouth... it just seems like a bad joke... like destiny trying to be funny with you.... like fate trying to make you realize how stable or unstable things in your life are.... and for that second.... and the next hours... the next days... and the next months.... you just have to beg for that simple misunderstanding between your mouth and your mind won't cause much more trouble to your dreams..... just for not having used the thinking twice process in those words...

≈Thoughtful≈

Test!

Your element is earth: Wise, solitary, mysterious
and loving. You are very wise. Your wise as in
you know things others do not, you can see past
stereotypes and see the real people behind
their facades, and people will often come to
you for help and advice. Quite solitary and
somewhat shy around people because you prefer
animals and plants, animals aren't afraid to
show themselves or what they are feeling and
plants are fun to nurture. You are very strong
in your silence if you set your mind on
something you will often times pursue it to the
end. Sometimes you just want to get away, so
you seek refuge in the forest where you can
have time to think and try to sort out your
emotions. The sound of the wind usually calms
you, especially moving through the trees. Life
to you is something precious and should not be
taken for granted.


.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

Sis!

For one second today i thought my sis will not forgive for something that i really didn't meant... just can't live without her thoughts and her great advices.... you'll always be my confident... you'll always be my sister... the one i admire... the one that has always being there when i needed you... please don't be mad... i hate the only thought of having you mad and out of my life.... hope never happens again....

≈Diego≈

The new ways of self-respect

How hard is it sometimes to know that you are valuable... its is difficult to see that someone is trying to make you feel bad everytime he/she is around you and at the same time to find that you are not useless... yep it is difficult to fight those trying to make your life miserable at everytime... and sometimes i ask myself... is it that i don't deserve a bit of respect? is it that i did something that bad to that person? am i just that bad? (hey having a dark side doesn't mean you are bad to everyone)... and those questions find no answer in my head... until someone clears a little bit of it... you don't deserve to think about yourself that way.... respect yourself... find your own self-respect, one step forward to a new point of view of perfection... find the way to care nothing about what others think... just be yourself and pay no attention to others trying to hurt you.... be yourself and be happy of being that person... of being that world... yep... new to me... new to my own nature of depression and low self-steem... new to my now opened mind... and what the he.ck i'll give it a try... i'll try to feel myself freer.... not to pay attention to annoying ppl that i used to care about... just trying to forget about being their friend if they don't want me there for them... i just won't be.... if someone moves me out of his/her life... i'll just do they same with them... and respect myself enough not to pay attention to what they've got to say about me.... just keeping it simple... just playing a new way... maybe part of this few changes in my life.... just a part of my own dark side....

≈New me≈

P.S.: thx to the amusing girl that inspired me to find my self-respect! you once again proved me your inteligence and your own unique personality!