She's back....

The day i was waiting for... she's back... and i couldn't be happier... cause things start to make sense again.... my love feels again so right now... her love towards me feels so true.... and even when i only saw her for about 15 or 20 minutes... things were perfect...

So perfect, that i have to sincerly hate myself... just for having a little doubt in this time... just because i for a moment thought that maybe she won't remember me... or maybe just for thinking that maybe it was time to search for something else.... however.... fourtanetely i didn't.... and i feel peaceful for that.... cause now i'm certain that this is working... and that the time apart has just makes us stronger... just has brought us more near than ever.... and that now i trust her.... not just because it felt like the right thing to do.... and i know the reason... i trust her... because she have earned my complete heart... because she have proved me that it is possible to find someone with true feelings towards me....

I love u.... sorry if i doubted b4... it won't happen again... i promise.... i won't think of searching for something else never again... cause now i learned that i want u.... and just u.... my love, my heart, my princess

≈Me, full of relief≈

The last gift under the tree

Yesterday was my families last holiday party, which means Christmas parties are over, everybody gave his presents, everybody got presents back... The Christmas spirit was all around, and u all know the story...

For my these parties were the most expected of the year, happiness is all around the environment, the food is simply delicious, and the company of my family is always good.... However things were kind of different this year... happiness was there, but i wasn't able to feel it inside me, it appeared to be all around but too far away of being inside me... food was better than ever... but my stomach didn't want to eat as much as i will have done some years ago....

i realized of the problem the second i got home... i entered yesterday night to my house's living room, stared at the tree... and remembered what was missing.... down there.... were two presents.... a green one... and a brown one... i didn't have to come close to the presents to know who were the owners.... the second one.. from my brother to his g.irlfriend.... the first one... from me... to my princess....

i knew well that my brother would be delivering his present to his g.irlfriend today's afternoon(as he is right now) How ever.... the green one is still there... the last gift under the tree... waiting... waiting for the moment that i have expected so much... waiting for my lady to be back... waiting till next monday that feels so far away...

And u may say: "But, xmas is not just about presents.... it is to be with those u love" however i don't complain that i haven't been able to deliver the present... i am sad cause i wasn't with one of the persons i love the most... Christmas wasn't the same cause i knew that i wanted to be with some one that is still so far away.... Christmas won't happen till she's again at my side...

≈Wainting≈

The day I feared the most

Today is the day I didn't want to come... how can someone be happy when this things happen?

Ok... for ur info... tonight is grad night... me and my classmates are getting those wanted diplomas that certify we concluded successfully high school... and that we are know heading towards the adventure of college.

U most believe i'm crazy for not wanting this to happen.... well, i am certain that way in the bottom of my heart i'm happy that this journey comes to an end tonight, however... things are not going to be like i would have wanted... i dreamed of this day for years... i knew that it will come and that things would be great.... i believed that every person i cared of would be there... from my own friends... those who r also my classmates, would be there, not just happy for me, but also with the same happiness for themselves... cause they, in my dreams, would be graduating also.... and of course those friends who r not my classmates would be there... that ppl i have come to know in this years, everybody and special, that person that i love the most had to be there.... (my girlfriend)

However... things tonight won't be that way.... cause my own best friend, won't graduate... i don't even know if he'll be there at all... cause he didn't make it.... maybe kind of my fault... cause i got a hundred(highest of grades) in that very test he flunked... i mean... maybe i could have help him... perhaps if i just tried to know that he wasn't well prepared.. i could have help him... maybe i didn't pay enough attention.... maybe i am not such a good friend after all and cause of that, everything su.cks... we won't be the E.vil 4 for this day... will just be 3 out of 4...

To make things worse.... do you remember where my girlfriend is???... Oh right! she's at the beach.... having fun... taking the sun... with her family... many kms away from me.... and she's not here... when i stand up this night to go for my diploma... she won't see me... she would be so far away that everything will have no sense.... she won't be there to congrat me... she won't be there to stare at me and say: "Oh my God! he made it!..."... i won't be getting a kiss... not even a glance of her smile... i will have just a little and completly meaningless paper with my name on it...

To my best friend.... what do i have to say?.....: I'm sorry, i really am... i don't know what failed... i don't know if u r ok with me being such a selfish friend that didn't realized u needed my help... i don't know if u'll be mad... or if u'll forgive... i don't really know if u'll understand why i'm feeling this guilty.... i really don't know... i can just offer u my help... for ur comming things... what ever u need from me u'll get it..... that's for sure...

To my princess.....: u know how much i feared this day... and the day i feared so much.... arrived in a rush... arrived so fast... and your distance feels so bad... my love... i don't know how i'll survive this day without u... i miss u, honey... i don't know what will happen tonight... i really don't know how it will all happen.... but i know u won't be there... and it hurts... cause i love u... cause i always pictured this day with everyone around me... cause u r the only person i wanna hug tonight after the ceremony.... i love u... u know it...

And that's it.... tonight will come... no matter what... i guess i have to comfront it.... with whatever strenght i have...

≈Depressed me≈

I found the heroes

Since September 16... i ve being wondering around... in my search for the new heroes of nowadays... those that along with Spidey are capable to teach something to kids with their actions, with their humanity... Today... i'm coming back from the movies... with a great smile in my face(Hey! that my girlfriend is out of town doesn't mean i can't spend some time out... after all i went with my sister...) Well... the smile is basically generated by the Disney/Pixar Alliance... and there... i found the heroes! Yep... who would have thought about it? Now heroes don't come from afamed hero companioes like Marvel or DC comics... they come from classic cartoons and 3D Animation.

For noone should be a secret now that I am talking about "The Incredibles", the new movie from Disney/Pixar. And my happiness relies in the fact that this family of superheroes show us a little bit of humanity, of choices in life that will affect our future... combining it with the difficulties of living like a family in these days.... The characters descriptions through the movie and the extraordinary plot would keep anyone captive... A great movie indeed... much more than what i expected...

Thank u Disney/Pixar! for having myself convinced that no matter what happens with oldfashioned heroes... there will always be some new heroes to take that role that every kid needs in his life....

My sincere recomendation: See "The Incredibles"!

≈Astonished Incrediboy≈

She is at the beach

Here i am... without her... again... my precious lady is away... in the beach... having the time of her life... having fun, surronded by her friends... hearing music in a disco and dancing the way i love her to... So far away... and i feel incapable to bear this distance... i don't understand how i am able to be without her..... it feels empty all around... it feels lonely... and nothing is the same...

Today... i look up to my best friend... with his g.irlfriend in Netherlands always.... and he is able to enjoy every second he can talk to her... just wondering how it would be like to be with her for a sec.... and he lives with it.... and i am here... crying for a ten day separation... it feels s.tupid... Darkchild, Teufel... i admire u both... keep up with it

≈Lonely me≈

Fitting in the "Perfect Son Ideal"

Hey! This days have been kind of special... mostly for my parents and family i guess... Many successes have happened in my life. Aparently i most be kind of a genius or something... because i got two excelent grades in college applications(just the UCR and ITCR, nothing international) in the UCR i made it into the hundred best scores, and in the ITCR i had something that should be around the 30 best.... also i got a hundred in a very important math test, and in all the ther subject tests i got scores higher than 90... which gives a great overall score....of about 95,64% of the total overall grade... (This tests are the ones that we take in CR to know if u passed high school or not)...

Ok this should be great news... and i'm not thankless... but i'm kind of scared... cause all these things make my parents think that i'm kind of the super-son... the one that will never bail on them, and that will always have excelent grades... it's kind of scary... i mean... i believe i'm good, but will I be able to fit the perfect son ideal for much...? Will my actions prove to my parents they are right or will I dissapoint them? Maybe next year i won't be able to remain such grades in college... maybe i won't be that perfect after all.... cause u know what... after all I'm human!

hey! Maybe my parents will like me to give them a perfect son for a gift... u know... more or less like the idea of Artificial Intelligence (A.I)... they could be happy with some robot that give them all the best academic results, with it that could be perfectly fitting that part of the perfect son ideal... i could make by myself the part of the affection... hugs, kisses, good gestures, etc.. sounds reasonable for me... i mean... i can do that with no prob. Yep! I think they could like better the robot than me.. more perfect... moreover... my own brothers could like the robot also, a good e-bro that give them the satisfaction to have a genius brother... is tempting... maybe my friends could like him also, it could mean more help with their homework, tests, and studies... with no bad mood.. at all... just the need to program him to do the stuff... Hey! i'm starting to think everybody could like it better than me... maybe even i could like him better... hey what about my girlfrie..... Ok! I got to stop... i'm starting to believe a robot can do everything better than me, just cause i don't feel like filling an ideal of my parents... well u know what... i won't fit into it... they got to understand that... cause the time will come when i will bail to all of those who i care of... and if they don't like that.... they are completely wrong!

≈Not-robotic Me≈

Wanting to give up

Recently I gave math classes to some ex-classmate... hey! she's kind of nice, and also she's the girlfriend of one of my friends... I had to give her the classes as a favor to him. Ok, she flunked math in tenth grade(the one that's before the last year of high school in my country) for the second time... one can imagine she may be kind of d.umb... but for my surprise she understands absolutely everything, she knows the needed formulas, she knows the first step to be taken into every kind of problem her teacher could ask her... but!!!!!! she doesn't know how to end... never, failing always in the same errors... she kind of sti.nks at clearing variables... i mean... she passes a number that is multipling to add to the other side of an expression.... and really i'm not trying with this to tell everybody that she is s.tupid... I mean... she is good... but she has awful bases...

As u may imagine I wasn't able to help her... basically three days of classes weren't enough... at least not to correct such basses... He flunked her first chance to pass the year... and when something like this happens and its ur first try to be a teacher in the subject u like the most.. u start to think.. and that happened to me... Am I good enough to help somebody?... i mean... with this in my historial as a teacher... why should somebody else trust me to explain him/her math, when i failed to Priscila?

And this questions just brings tons of desires to give up in this.... i just need somebody.. that i can help... to feel that i can trust myself... i mean... maybe if Priscila gives me a second chance and i find myself (with more time) capable of helping her... or maybe if somebdy else gives me a chance to prove it... prove I'm good enough to help somebody... maybe then i'll trust myself to teach.... for the time being... i will leave that chance to come... and i will not search for it... cause for today i don't trust me... maybe later i will be able to help things... but... for now.. i'll wait for somebody to ask for help...

≈The untrustable math teacher ≈